MAY 11th. Tip #3: The Cheapest Hotels and Free Whiskey!

A few of the hotels that keep their film festival inflation rates within six figures are the Hotel Little Palace on the Rue de Retaud (pronounced retard) and has the world's smallest rooms. Also, the Olympia Hotel on the other side of the tracks and the Hotel Acapulco, (with rooftop pool!) by the railroad station.

If you're lucky enough to get a hotel room, there is no reason why you shouldn't take advantage of the mini-bar. Most people feel intimidated by its presence because they correctly assume they'll be charged a small fortune (or a back-alley handjob) for drinking any of the small bottles of booze. However, you can easily enjoy as much Chivas Regal as you want by replenishing whatever you drank with piss and then screwing the cap back on really tight. Depending on your intake of vitamin C, recreational drugs, or methadone, your piss should be about the same consistency as the Chivas. But it is absolutely essential to remember which bottles are the whiskey and which are the whizz!

Another tip that might be helpful to Troma fans is that, in the past, certain people have received certain favors from hotel employees in exchange for Troma t-shirts. I, myself, have not tried this but if you find yourself in the mood, you are welcome to see what a Troma shirt will get you. Don't accept less than a handjob ("service de main").